You Look Nice Today

Dazzle camouflage Dazzle camouflage, also known as Razzle...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 11:04:00 -0800

Dazzle camouflage, also known as Razzle Dazzle or Dazzle painting, was a camouflage paint scheme used on ships, extensively during World War I and to a lesser extent in World War II. Credited to artist Norman Wilkinson, it consisted of a complex pattern of geometric shapes in contrasting colours, interrupting and intersecting each other.

That’s the name I was searching for: dazzle camouflage.

Yes. It is with dazzle camouflage that we will produce the illusion of six boners.

Thank you, World War II.

fwitness of Westville, NJ writes: Oh. My. God. Evidence of...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:50:46 -0700

fwitness of Westville, NJ writes:

Oh. My. God. Evidence of baby butlers.

This is extraordinary, fwitness. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.

Our research suggested that all extant photos of Baby Butlers had been lost in the Great Un-Spooling of 1952. You have shown us otherwise.

Truly, there’s a secret history of the United States that’s still being written.

[via via]

See: The Tux Age | You Look Nice Today

As seen on a Toronto sidewalk. WIDE OPN: by Dan Misener In YYZ...

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:29:43 -0700

As seen on a Toronto sidewalk. WIDE OPN: by Dan Misener

In YYZ they call it, “Pediatric Deuntistry.”

Thanks, Dan!

From: OPN♥WDE | You Look Nice Today

insooutso: Picture lifted from Merlin.From the YLNT Philly...

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 23:18:48 -0700

insooutso:

Picture lifted from Merlin.

From the YLNT Philly Live.

Nice thing about these practice katanas Cf. YLNT Ep 27,...

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:46:17 -0700

Nice thing about these practice katanas

Cf. YLNT Ep 27, “Breakin’ In” starting around 00:28:00.

The tip juuuuuust got me, O’Dell.

EASU logo Nice work, snabby; please pick up your honorary...

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 11:53:50 -0700

EASU logo

Nice work, snabby; please pick up your honorary degree and a handful of malaria pills.

East Arcadia State: 2009 MindSetter Sheet

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:24:52 -0700

At the dawn of each academic year, East Arcadia State University prepares our instructors and staff by curating some facts and observations about the generational differences that are peculiar to our incoming freshman class. By understanding how the world looks to them, we hope to provide the best possible educational experience. In other words:

How have things “always been” for East Arcadia’s incoming class of ‘13?

First, let’s kick off the ought-niner MindSetter with the hard and painful facts.

Folks, there’s no nice way to put this: many of these kids are young and uneducated.

Recent data conducted by the prestigous Van Hœt Group suggests that many of the 17- to 20-year-old students who comprise the fattest part of our freshman curve are not yet 21 years old; many are barely older than 16. But, it gets worse.

Van Hœt has aggregated, analyzed, and cross-referenced historical data suggesting that as late as September of 1960, at least 40% of the students entering college for the first time did not have a Bachelor’s or Master’s Degree — let alone the extensive post-doctorate experience we all now understand to be critical for the long-term success of dodging costly loan repayments. Today that number is over 90%. You heard right. That’s “ninety.” With a “b.”

So in sum, these kids are mostly under 20, completely hopeless, probably armed, frequently drunk or high on I-don’t-even-want-to-know-what, plus they already can’t afford the education that they haven’t received with the money they haven’t figured out how to not pay back. It’s literally that bad. Today. Here.

But we keep our chins up at East Arcadia. It’s one reason everyone loves scarves and complains of chronic neck pain.

Students entering college for the first time this fall were generally born in 1990. Some were born earlier or later than 1990. Our youngest student is a Fulbright Scholar and surprisingly robust preemie who, because he was born last week (36 weeks pre-term), will be our sole tenant in the spanking new Petri Hall. We think the nurturing culture there will suit “Li’l Jacob” well.

That said, for all of these students, Thomas Aquinas, Rutherford B. Hayes, and Petrarch have always been dead. Bob Hope and Guy Lombardo have always been assumed to be dead (N.B.: both are, indeed, now dead).

Many other people have also been dead, but space and costly mimeograph expenses preclude our typically exhaustive accounting. Thanks in advance for understanding (especially if you’re the obese tenured “atin-lay ofessor-pray” whose entirely avoidable 4th cardiac event singlehandedly sent the entire college’s insurance premiums through the roof. Keep inhaling those pork rinds, Professor. Sic Semper Pork something).

Anyway.

So, our big, annual question: How’s life always been for this year’s incoming class at East Arcadia?

Copper has always expanded when heated. Although, it’s also always been less satisfying as a snack than, say, a Hot Pocket or a slice of cold lamb with a little sea salt and a dash of fresh ground pepper
March has never been called “Burkina Faso” which is one possible reason so few of our students choose to attend Spring Break on whatever continent that place is
Phones have always had some sort of technical facility for sending and receiving the sound of the human voice while one is nude, dining, or just quietly masturbating to a well-loved 1978 facebook
Elephants have always been the one thing most people associate with Hannibal’s famous attack, although almost no one knows why, but they still sing that song “Baby Elephant Walk” and make really obvious Silence of the Lambs jokes until security arrives
Golf has always been a costly diversion for tedious white people who dislike their children, but enjoy drinking near sprinklers and pesticides
Anilingus has always been something many people of all ages are nervous to ask for (even if it’s for an anniversary or your birthday or because you literally caught your so-called “spouse” doing it to a civil servant like she was eating corn on the cob and Jesus Christ right there in your own goddamned house where your fucking kids sleep at night. Or what have you)
Laser bird shoes and the dangerous nesting boxes that are used to store their colorful waste have both always never been invented yet (for now)
Tattoos have always been more permanent and cost-effective than an equivalently regrettable t-shirt — especially given the rising popularity of the japanese symbol that someone in rubber gloves whom you just met after Tiffany’s “Sex in the City” themed engagement party while you were admittedly pretty drunk has told you means “Um….’one…ness…of…brave…spirit…woman…hearts…and peace.’ Yeah. It’s Kanji.”
Oceans have always been a sloshy, watery, unnavigable presence, teeming with dragons, non-white immigrants, and rich deposits of Lorenzo’s Oil, all floating in completely unknown locations somewhere between the better documented but much smaller big, landy parts of the continent things
Jetpacks and moving sidewalks have always been a lazy way to frame false dichotomies about society, technology, and the complex ways that resource scarcity do or do not hew to century-old pulp fiction and coloring books. Related:
Steampunk has always been a diverting way to make something pedestrian a little less useful by adding a makebelieve brass thing and some polished wood. (Don’t miss our collection of Jules Verne’s infamous “Felching Jars” and “Walnut Poppers” in the rear of the Lisagor Library, [Wing B]. Ask for “Betty”)
Three-card monte has always been a socially acceptable urban application for soiled cards and shoddy, collapsible tables. (FACT: This is why East Arcadia’s marching band still plays Joplin’s popular “Pump the Suckers then Boogie with the Booty Rag” before every football game)
For this class, mentioning the music of Mozart has always been a subtle means to evoke sophistication in a way that many people are too polite to call out as proof that the mentioner is so full of shit because did you know that Amadeus actually has enough plot holes and factual errors that it might as well be called Ooooo, Look at Me! I’m Fucking Peter Schaffer, and Apparently I Couldn’t Distinguish Mozart and Salieri from Fucking Simon and Garfunkel Unless I Had a Goddamned Flashlight, Five Viennese Rent Boys, and a Giant Bouquet of Edelweiss Up My Ass. Wheeeeeeeee, Mozart Something Something!
Lists have always been a great way to turn a bunch of bullshit into some fast web traffic. So listen to an okay funny podcast called You Look Nice Today (iTunes). As the school year begins, you can start out by learning more about East Arcadia in an episode entitled, “Vachina.”

East Arcadia:
E Somnus Cholera. (Et Leonem)

Photo: Thanks to InsoOutso

If Only

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:14:12 -0700

If Only

Maybe it was the mountain air. Maybe it was the roofies. Maybe...

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:02:00 -0700

Maybe it was the mountain air. Maybe it was the roofies. Maybe it was fun overload to the max. Whatever the reason, the last thing we remember about MaxFunCon was following Jesse’s car up to the event.

Just kidding we remember everything.

“Bro Mitzvah” Bobb’e J. Thompson All the kids...

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:14:11 -0700

“Bro Mitzvah” Bobb’e J. Thompson

All the kids are doing it.

Road Monkey by JasPer After our Seattle show (which you can hear...

Sat, 23 May 2009 22:34:00 -0700

Road Monkey by JasPer

After our Seattle show (which you can hear in our most recent episode, Lonely Polisher), the Talent took the opportunity to pose with the real star of the show, Road Monkey, whose value was appraised at somewhere in the vicinity of $4,000 and change, but mostly for its unconventional sexual acrobatic prowess.

Lonely Polisher Merit Badge by JasPer By now, Semi-permanent...

Sat, 23 May 2009 22:04:14 -0700

Lonely Polisher Merit Badge by JasPer

By now, Semi-permanent (OTIII) YLNT Archivist JasP is sort of obligated to knock them over as we set them up. Here, he knocks one over out of the park.

4/23: YLNT LIVE! in Seattle

Fri, 22 May 2009 15:10:00 -0700

4/23: YLNT LIVE! in Seattle

Your Porn Name, YLNT-Style From the episode Angry Captain. (mp3)

Tue, 12 May 2009 17:11:40 -0700

Your Porn Name, YLNT-Style

From the episode Angry Captain.

(mp3)

“Bird on a Sandwich” by JasPer Because...

Wed, 06 May 2009 23:39:00 -0700

“Bird on a Sandwich” by JasPer

Because Quasi-official YLNT (Brown-belt) Archivist Jason Permenter listened in on our latest episode Angry Captain, he knows of my sweet tooth for Goldie Hawn and took it upon himself to track down this hastily-fabricated Dutch version of the movie on DVD, in which I play the role of Rick Jarmin and his streetwise sidekick, Mel Gibson’s Hair.

Please click through to the high-res. Please click through to the high-res.

Hij is de droom voor elke vrouw. Voor haar is hij een nachtmerrie.

(From the Dutch: He is the dream for every woman. For her it is a nightmare and a falsehood, like the Holocaust. What? Nothing.)

Great Works

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 23:13:00 -0700

Today, over at the mother ship, we told you a bit about the history of Hernes, the You Look Nice Today writers’ retreat. Countless great works will be written there, and we’re excited to offer residencies to writers of ever-higher caliber.

But we should not forget some of the wonderful works that have already been produced at Hernes. A brief list:

Halm Greenbread: The Do-Overs
Justice Brie: Who Am I Slash What / A Dialectic
Cresstin Keeper: Krishna Steals the Peanut
Robert Langdon: Awoke Slowly
Stoop Hass: Miracles of Near-Flight

The tragedy here is that, while these books will someday be considered the classics of a fallen age, they have proven too unpopular to keep in print (or even, in some cases, to print at all). It’s sad to think that these majestic works are, for all intents and purposes, lost.

"This marks my 3rd consecutive hour doing the fishstick."

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 20:04:00 -0700

“This marks my 3rd consecutive hour doing the fishstick.”

- Tj, toughing it out at a wedding

One year old Thomas has sophisticated taste in podcasts.

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 14:42:30 -0700

One year old Thomas has sophisticated taste in podcasts.

“Photo Shoot” Gruber goes pomo.

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 19:39:46 -0700

“Photo Shoot”

Gruber goes pomo.

Laurie Anderson “O Superman” Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah I...

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:44:00 -0700

Laurie Anderson “O Superman”

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah I present to you now ah ah ah ah ah ah the 2014 graduating class ah ah ah ah ah ah of East Arcadia State ah ah ah ah ah University ah ah ah ah ah ah.

Let’s go to the wiki:

The lines “Cause when love is gone, there’s always justice / And when justice is gone, there’s always force / And when force is gone, there’s always Mom” derive from the fourth sentence of Chapter 38 of the Tao Teh Ching: “When Tao is lost, there is goodness. When goodness is lost, there is kindness. When kindness is lost, there is justice. When justice is lost, there ritual. Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion.”

I would say this is perfect for the pomp and circumstance of a commencement address, wouldn’t you? Fully intentional, by the way.